The psychology of sex, or, why do I get off on that?

As I spend a lot of my time with different lovers, I have a better insight than most into the variety of our sexual worlds.

It's something everyone is curious about.

"Am I normal?" I'm often asked, sometimes while I'm still shaking, lying on the bed after a very satisfying orgasm: "Do you do this roleplay a lot?"

Or, a gentleman will shyly confess what he'd like to explore with me, as if he's ashamed that his fantasies might be weird, or I might judge him negatively. Maybe he wants to cover me in latex, or call me names, or even handcuff me to the door.

My view is this: sex is gloriously weird, and that's what's wonderful about it. That's why it's such a pleasure.

And yes. There's a surprising number of fantasies that people share, and then some that are more unusual.

If you've got one of the unusual fantasies? In my view, all the better.

Or sometimes there is the opposite worry... am I too normal? Sometimes gentlemen asking for touch, and kissing, and the erotic connection of two bodies aren't sure that that will be what I want.

For me different erotic experiences carry their own charge. There's the thrill of an exciting, weird roleplay, and the thrill of shared, hot sensuality. Deep french kissing is the most immediate, fiery, moment between two lovers. We all do it. And it never gets tired, particularly with a little bit of neck kissing added in.

What I've learned is that some of the fantasies we are most ashamed of are also some of the most common. When it comes to BDSM, we are all worry that what we want, what makes us come, is too kinky or too shameful. We think maybe it has to be kept secret.

I've often wondered why it is that I get so hot for a man who will woo me over an Old Fashioned cocktail, spar with me verbally over a dimly lit bar table, before holding me down and spanking me in the bedroom?

What is it about the build and build of tension, the idea of facing off against an equal, that makes the eventual joy of letting you win (I let you win! I promise!) so damn pleasurable?

But having had...a few... romantic trysts with strangers, I think there's not so much difference between us.

Ultimately, we all want to experience the meeting of two minds. Then tactility, connection, and really hot, passionate sex that we'll be thinking about for weeks afterwards. Blindfolded or not.

At least, I know that's what I want.