How to be a good Dom, Master, or Sir
So you want to know how to be a dominant lover in ways that will make me scream with pleasure...and perhaps a little pain?
My time as a lifestyle and professional submissive means I have an abundance of arousing memories of those encounters where the D/s dynamic was: just perfect, memorable, and right.
Here are my top five tips, whether you're a long-established pro Master, a well-seasoned dominant, or new to the delightful game of taking charge...
1. Consent, limits and safe-words
I use 'orange' to mean 'that's a little too much, pause and turn down the ante, and 'red' to mean 'STOP!'
My approach to kink is basically this: everyone is different. I start all my sessions with a quick chat about what we both like and don't like for this very reason. Your limits might not be mine, so let's find out about each other's 'no's' so we can enjoy each others' 'yeses'.
2. BDSM comes in many flavours
Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission, Sadism and masochism - and one million ways to apply different parts of the acronym.
So you want to be in charge? Exciting, how do you want to be in charge? There can be quite an erotic difference between you wanting to give your bad-attitude cheating girlfriend what she deserves, and you wanting an obedient, well-disciplined sub to call to heel. Though telling me your fantasies in detail can feel difficult, particularly if we've just met, the more I know about exactly what's going to make you cum, the more I can get you there.
I'm a submissive, and a roleplayer. I get off on being controlled, told what to do, put into bondage or other restraints, on being used to service my Dominant, on receiving impact play or piss play because my Master gets to decide what happens to me, on verbal abuse or humiliation, on being Daddy's bratty little girl, or your secretary who could do with a sharp lesson in employment law, your boss who needs taking down a peg, on receiving toys or hands or your dick in all my holes, and hopefully your cum all over my... well we can decide that later.
Though many people are enthusiastically masochists, I'm not. I don't get hot over pain for the sake of pain. If you want to hit me, put me over your knee because I'm a naughty little bitch who needs to be put in her place, not because you want to see how long you can hit me for, or how much I can take...
3. Warm Up!
...which leads to: warm ups!
Many, many, many hours of practice leads me to the conclusion that I can deep throat your cock with about 10000x the relish and for much, much longer if you take your time warming up the back of my throat. Push in, and hold it there. Give me some time. Let the tightness of my throat open up around you. I'll let you know when you can start facefucking me. Sucking dick is honestly one of my favourite activities - and it's even better with a warm up.
Same goes for spanking. Take your time enjoying my bare bottom. Stroke it, spank it lightly, then stroke it again. Let me get warm before you get into your stride.
Oh, and, same goes for anal. A slow, gentle warm up with fingers = harder pounding later.
4. Words make me wet
Call me names...
... or tell me all about how degraded I'm going to feel later when all your friends come round to fuck me too...
...or let me tell you about the time all the men at work cornered me by the filing cabinet...
5. Enjoy the fantasy!
BDSM is the best fun two, or more, people can have together. I find that I can let go and enter sub headspace best when I trust that you know that taking control of me, tying me up, calling me a little slut, acting like you hate me and fucking me senseless is a shared fantasy we are engaging in for fun, because it feels naughty and taboo and we can enjoy that together.
Looking forward to meeting you... Sir.